Saturday, June 30, 2007

God Couldn't be Everywhere.. So He Created Moms!!!

Whenever we wanna give an example to proof the existence of god we talk about women who give birth.. How suddenly they have milk, how the "unconditional love" all start having meaning..
What we never talk about is the sense they get as soon as the kid gets out! It's not one of the 5 senses and not a 6th sense.. It is called a "Mom's sense" and with that they EXACTLY know when your lying, when you're upset, when you're hiding something and every other thing.. You name it..
First you just can't believe it that she KNOWS.. Then it starts going on your nerves and freaks you out.. and finally you start accepting it.. Trust me you have no other choice!
When I was a kid I used to think of all the ways to find out how she does it.. Having cameras everywhere that I go??!! Hiring people to spy on me??!! Chasing after me all the time??!! You know stuffs like that! Then I realized it's not just me and my mom.. Every single kid that I knew had the same problem.. And I was old enough to know there are not enough cameras/people/time out there to be at our moms' service!!!!
Soooo after years of close examining, researching, studying and hard work I finally found the answer:
You know what car rental companies do to know where their cars are all the time? They put a GPS device in the car.. No matter where the car is unless it's underground the device can tell them where the car exactly is..When we're born something like a GPS starts growing in us and our Moms have the ability to track us down physically, emotionally even financially!!! It's something between god and them.. The privilege that only Moms can have..
My mom's really far from me.. Let's say 2 oceans, 1 or 2 continents and lots of countries are between us and as soon as I say hi to her on the phone she knows what's going on!! Isn't that amazing?
Just imagine we'd have this sense/power/incredibility whatever the name is with our guys!! Dear lord..Dear lord!!! Wish you had a lil more sense of humour and would give it to us as soon as we hook up with the guy.. What a fun world it could be and we're missing it big time!!!!! ;)

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Scratch most feminists and underneath there is a woman who longs to be a sex object, the difference is that is not all she longs to be!!!

The coolest thing about being graduated is that you say to yourself: "I'm done!!!"
But when you think about it you simply don't know done with what??!!
The more you think about it the scarier it gets.. What do i wanna do? Who am i wanna be?? And the shitty part's that no one can really help you.. You have to figure it out yourself!!!
And that's when you are introduced to the whole world of "resume and sending it away.. Not hearing back.. keeping positive attitude and sending more like there's no tomorrow!!!!"
Gushhhh help me survive!!!!!!!!
Feminist people I was trying to be nice but can't keep it to myself anymore.. I hate you!!! seriously I do..
Why?? Cuz you've ruined my life!
How??!! My feminist friends you are the reason that world expect us women to study and work just to show guys we are "equal"!!!!!!!
I mean why you women care so much about what they think of you????? Like do you really think that guys care if we think of them as jack asses??!!!!!
you know how much happier we could be if all we needed to be worry about was our make ups, hair, nail, skin and other fun/healthy stuffs???
I know they're worthless but accept it we all love it.. Even guys have started liking it.. I put make up on my guy friend this weekend cuz he wanted to look "pretty"!!!!!
I swear to god men and women are replacing each other..While women work hard and don't find the time for themselves you find guys at gyms working out, in beauty salons shaping their eyebrows, in parties gossiping about others and giving comments about each other's hair, dress and other girly matters lol
You wanna be equal?? I'm telling you, you don't need to change.. they are doing their best to reach you!!!!
I wish I had written this one sooner maybe I could have helped the world!!!! Help??!! Save the world!!!
But seriously now that you know you've ruined my life at least make it up to me by finding me a good, well-respected job with lots of money and chocolate ice cream!!!!
Thank you:)

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?

Yesterday I found a white hair in my well hair!!!!!!! Not totally white.. Half white, half black.. It means it's just started and it made me wonder.. You know how you're planning for the future and you have some deadlines for yourself? My deadline's always "when I grow up" and then this white thingy made me think.. Maybe I am a grown up!!!! Maybe it's the deadline!! If it's so I really need to rush.. Since I was a kid I've promised myself to do this, do that when I grow up and when years ago I received this "25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP" email I felt so relaxed cuz I knew I've tons of years till then.. You all know the signs:
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those f...king kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh shit what the hell happened?

Seeeeee I'm not even close to that term yet! But a stupid white hair has changed everything!!
I went out of town to get rid of all the things that are bothering me these days for a weekend and came back as a grown up lady!!!! Not sure if I'm ready for that.. Not sure if you are ready for that.. Not sure if my whole definition that "grown up" means "boring and a lil scary" is right! Anyways we'll give it a shot! If we didn't like it we switch back to where we were;)

Friday, June 22, 2007

O Canada!!!

Finally it's done.. Yesterday I got the Canadian Citizenship and according to the judge it's the most wanted honor one could ask for..
Before the ceremony begins, this lady started talking to tell us what we should do when the judge enters and stuffs.. and she was sooooo excited like it was her kid's wedding.. An by the end of the ceremony I realized why she's so enthusiastic about the whole boring ceremony..
That's her exact words:
" This ceremony is like a marriage!!!! You take your oath to be loyal to this country and that's what we do when we get married.. We take our oath to be loyal to each other!!!!!!!!"
To sum up yesterday, which coincidentally was the first day of summer I got married to Canada.. Instead of asking for my parents permission I got Queen Elizabeth's blessing!!!!!
Yup I got married to a country that when you wanna take an oath you borrow some other country's Queen!!! I got married to a country that only 3 months a year has sun and warmth and even thinking of the summer for the rest of the year sounds ridiculous!!! I married to a country that when you sit in a bus or train you don't hear anyone speaks English.. It's all Chinese, Persian, Indian, Arabic, Some Europeans..But no English!!
I married to a country that it's last name is Ice land! A country with no history and no nothing.. A country that all of it's people are immigrants and we refer to those 1% that are originally from here as polar bears!!!!!! An Independent country which would fade away as soon as US and England stop supporting it!!!
But hey it's a free country after all and that's why we all are here and that's why according to the judge we should proudly say we are Canadians!!!!! ;)

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

I Hate It When...

I hate it when people ask each other How they're doing and pass by without hearing the response.. I hate it when people give each other negative/ugly comments just to look funny.. I hate it when people act like they like some one but as soon as she leaves start talking behind her back.. I hate it when people are just dreamers when you see no actions.. I hate it when a friend is upset and you can't do anything about it cuz you're the reason he's upset..
I hate it when people misunderstand the term "forgiving" with "forgetting". I hate it when people expect me to stay calm when I'm on the verge of explosion..
I hate it when people act like they don't know me juts cuz we're out of touch for a while and I hate it more when people who don't really know me act like they do!!!
I hate it when I have to smile when all I wanna do is to cry!! and I hate it when I have to say everyhting's cool when in reality it is not!!!
I hate it when people expect you to be there for them but when you need them they're anywhere but here!!! I hate it when an old friend e-mails me all she talks about is nagging why I don't write anymore and still doesn't say 1 word about how are things with her.. I hate it when people give each other a hand just when they need a favor from one another.. I hate it when people don't keep their word.. I hate it when people judge each other when they really don't know what's going on..
I hate it that we live in a century that people don't give value to honesty, kindness and love.. I hate it when people keep forgetting that sometimes being kind is more important than being right.. And I hate it when I forget it myself and have to write about it to remind it to myself !!!!

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Life is Not about Waiting for the Storm to Pass...

It's about Learning How to Dance in the Rain!

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

My Boy Friend's Hero!!!!!!

Everyone has a hero.. It's just a non-written must in every one's life to have a hero in his/her life.. And I think when you don't have one you just try to find someone weird just to let the world know you are "UNIQUE"!
When we are kids our heroes are our parents, older sisters/brothers or close relatives.. Then we grow up and we realize there are more people than our close ones in this world and we start betraying our parents by switching our heroes from them to our favourite cartoon characters! For such a long time Joe in Little Women was my hero.. She was everything I wanted to be..She was funny, creative, ambitious, everything.. I juts loved her..
But then we grow older and we are introduced to the life of "reality" and we start understanding that it's just waayyy far from fictions and fairy tales.. We have to make an adjustment.. It's no more easy to announce Superman as our hero! So we start finding real people (although deep down in our hearts we still worship our real heroes.. i.e. Superman, Batman, Rocky, Zorro and of course Joe!)
It's been a while since Oriana Falachi's been my hero:
An iconoclastic journalist known for her war coverage and for aggressive, revealing interviews with powerful people!
On the other hand, my guy's hero is Dr. Mahmood Ahmadinejad:
An idiot president known for his retardish opinions and aggressive, revealing theories of wiping off other countries!
The more I think about it, the more I come to this conclusion that Opposites Do Attract..:)

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

When Everyhting Goes Wrong!!!

Yesterday was my first day of being super productive.. Woke up early to go out cycling with a friend to start our day fresh..
It was rainy but we were like nothing's gonna stop us.. So we went to this park which has lots of small wooden bridges.. On one of those cute bridges I felt I'm speeding too much.. So thought it's not a bad idea to slow down cuz I didn't want to fall down! As soon as I grabbed that brake handle thingy my bike slid off and the next thing I remember was that I, like those cool professional break dancers, was spinning on the asphalt road.. I don't wanna get into details about what has happened to my poor knees but sounds like no more skirts for quite a while!
Then I had to go to this job agency, or at least that's what I thought about them! Wasted 4 hours of my precious time to figure out they don't find you a job they find "How to Write Resume" classes for you!
I called my sister who's going to Iran for couple of months in a week to see when i could see her.. And still don't know what happened that she convinced (made is quite bossy and I never ever let the world knows what a bossy sister I have) me to go there and make everyone food Anddd to make everyone happy she called my other sister and invite them over as well!
I mean I love being around them just don't get it how I ended up cooking for 9 people!
Finally I went home to get ready to go to my friend's to practice for the drawing class we've enrolled.. My brother needed the car and basically I had to wait for one of the girls to give me a ride back home.. But she was sooooo excited about our practice session that didn't leave till 1:00 am!
Finally got home and gush I was tired!
To make my fun day complete, at 5 in the morning the fire alarm started beeping.. And I still don't know WHY it should always be early in the morning for those freaking devices to beep.. It always should be somewhere between 3-7 am.. ALWAYSSSS!
Anyways when I woke up this morning I realized I cannot move any part of my body since the whole body aches!
I'm telling you some people are not born to be productive, they're here to be fun, sexy and beautiful :)

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Sad But True!!

Page one is a diet, page two is a chocolate cake. It's a no-win situation!!

Last week my sister was here.. And I hate it when people don't have anything to say they start giving each other comments!
Dear people please listen to this advice, always and by that I mean ALWAYS talk about the weather in this kinda situation.. it's boring but a really really safe subject to talk about!
Anyhowwww as I was saying, after looking around she stopped on me, stared at me for like 10 seconds and said: "Hey! Have you noticed you're turning into a pear!”
And the second thing that I hate is when someone says something they “THINK” is funny but in reality it’s NOTT and they keep going on and on about it! And apparently according to my sister I’m getting fat! And I’m starting looking like a pear!
Soooo I decided to start a diet for the first time in my life and I totally agree with this saying that probably nothing in the world arouses more false hopes than the first four hours of a diet! I mean what if I start it and by the end of the second week I realize that all I've actually lost was those two weeks?!
“I highly recommend worrying. It is much more effective than dieting.” And if you think about it you agree with me:
When you’re worried, you are stressed out but your brain’s functioning and helps you getting you out of depression meanwhile you lose your appetite and you lose weight! WHEREAS the idea of not having coke, chocolates and yummy foods may help you look more attractive but who likes a depressed, grumpy, truly sad girl?! (It’s up to you guys you want the depressed unhappy slim me OR fun happy fat me?!)
I really believe that people should have balance in their life:
And the balanced diet is a cookie in each hand :)
Have a wonderful veggie day!