For It Was Not into My Ear You Whispered, But into My Heart. It Was Not My Lips You Kissed, But My Soul!

I didn't say "Yes" cuz I love you, I said yes cuz I need you, not for my existence but for my happiness..
I said yes because of the new person you're making out of me, because of connecting my little world to the biggest world of love and be loved and because of making my heart smile with glow constantly.
And although even the thought of it scares me to death when I think of the tough times we might be facing, I still said yes cuz I knew if I don't I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me.

I Think the Killers Get Far Too Much Attention!

My family’s setting up a be-careful-everyone-around-you-is-a-psycho club and my boyfriend as the most eligible potential member for this watch-out union has been accepted by them. According to research from a criminologist, serial killers form 17% of the world’s population and to this club either the percentage has risen up to 97% or they truly believe this 17%’s main goal is to hunt me down, rape me and kill me!
I’m serious: For every single job interview I’ve had, they made sure I’m not going anywhere without the full knowledge of all these evil gangs that sell girls to Dubaian sheikhs or rape them and video tape them or steal from them etc. etc.
When I had to go to Italy by myself for work a couple of weeks ago, while my boyfriend, the VP of the club, asked for almost 1238763980 times if the factories I’m going to make a visit are trustworthy people, my mom made sure to make a quick research and just to her luck my sister had recently watched this movie that very bad things had happened to this girl who was travelling alone. The result? I didn’t make any contact with anyone there, spent all my money on shopping, arrived home totally broke but 100% safe!

اگه دختر به دنیا بیای خیلی چیزا رو باید یاد بگیری! اول از همه باید خیلی بجنگی تا بتونی بگی اگه خدایی وجود داشته باشه می‌شه مثِ یه پیرزنِ مو سفید یا یه دخترِ قشنگ نقاشیش کرد! خیلی باید بجنگی تا بتونی بگی وقتی حوا سیب ممنوعه رو چید گناه به وجود نیومد، اون روز یه قدرت باشکوه متولد شد که بهِش نافرمانی می‌گن

You Can't Teach People to be Lazy - Either They Have It, or They Don't.”

I've bought a treadmill.. In this country you don't need to move at all to get your job done.. Everything can be done by a simple phone call.. To convenience store to send you ice-cream and yogurt, to the manicurist/pedicurist to stop by your place and do your nails and hair! To this lady who brings you fried onion, vegetables, everything so you just mix them for dinner.. And we always wonder why non-Persians call us lazy! That's how we're brought up dude! I'm not gonna lie to you guys.. I loveeee it..

But it made me a bit concerned when my brother warned me if I go on like this my ass would get the shape of the bed!!

That's why I bout a treadmill.. Now my family members enjoy the scene of an almost dead girl, sweating and running on this monster just cuz in less than a month I'm going to Bali and I need my confidence back!

Hard Work Never Killed Anybody, But Why Take a Chance?

When I saw the latest opening at UNICEF, I was sure it's not just the name and the prestige that comes with it that I so wanna get a job there... Look at the job title: "Child protection something program.."

Maybe by working for children I realize I've always had this hidden love for kids somewhere deep down that I was totally unaware of.. How did you think Angelina Jolie ended up with so many children? The movie "Beyond Borders" changed her life forever.. Who knows maybe same thing happens to me and if not at least I can explain why I'll never have a kiddo...

But I can't lie to you.. It's not just those children that motivate me to apply for the job.. All those traveling it involves!!

Years ago I made an unspoken, unwritten contract with my dad.. Some people invest, some work.. I decided to do the job of traveling and he pays for that.. But when for some unspoken, unwritten reasons from my dad it got to an end, I thought it's time to find a more reliable employer!!

Anyways I decided to fill out their form to apply for the job but last part's kinda tricky.. They want me to write them in less than 1 page about my motivation to apply for this job and it's relevance to my qualifications..

Now just imagine when I write:

"Dear UNICEF HR Manager,

Since years ago I've had this blind hatred towards kids.. And I think by working for those little angels I will start liking them and maybe in future I be able to have 1 or more of mine!

Moreover I feel like travelling.

To sum up I'm your perfect candidate and looking forward to have an interview with you!"

I'm pretty sure the chances of renewing the contract with my dad is way higher than getting a job with them!

I change, I survive

The whole idea of this never-ending process of "in-search-of-me" plan, which made me move back home, start a new life, find new friends, get a new job etc. etc., was to help myself find out what I wanna do with my life.. The name's on it: "never-ending" so don't even think in couple of months I'm even close to announcing proudly how I know what I want! But for sure I know what I don't wanna be.. mmmm I'm not sure when you're not capable of doing something the word "want" finds a meaning tho.. So let's just say I know what I can't be!
I can never be a snowboarder! I mean the thrill, the challenge, the splash of snow, none of them can help me to overcome the fear of falling down by will of "Mean Gods" and the high possibility of breaking my butt..
But skiing is nothing when it comes to driving in Iran... I feel like I know as much about driving in here as straight people do about gays. I think stopping at stop signs or red lights, proper usage of left or right signals, respecting pedestrians and other drivers would save me from car accidents and straight people think that being gay is just a phase. A very long phase!
And we still haven't got to the biggest joke, which is working here.. I don't think I can ever work here.. When I got this new job I didn't bother to ask anything about the job responsibilities or any kind of other irrelevant questions, just because of the very generous salary they offered me..
In less than 2 months my dreamy workplace turned into slavery company and finally to "Are-You-Out-of-Your-Mind-Get-Out-Before-You-Lose-Your-Mind"!
Don't blame my moody character for leaving this job:
I share my "windowless" office with 2 other people including my manager and this other girl.. You don't need to have an imaginary mind to picture the scenario to understand how impossible it gets to breathe after spending 2-3 hours in here.
Since the room is too small nothing fits in here but a medium size table, where we put our PCs on.. That's why whenever I turn around, with no doubt I'd have a physical contact with one of the colleges..
Ask about "lunch break" and "lunch room" and throw them to the world of unknowns!
Say something about contract, you know the famous paper we all sign before starting a new job?, and get the impression like you're speaking Chinese.
Prioritizing tasks to them is like watching a stupid movie: time consuming and useless!
I'm telling ya, don't blame my moodiness for finishing it by end of this month!
All been said, I still have my reasons for staying in Iran.. Till when? Until my heart tells me it's time to go..